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I’ve seemed to have misplaced my uterus. Have you seen it around? Last time I saw it, it was right next to my cellphone on the side table. Who knows now? I’ve been looking around for it all day. One time, I coughed it up and it nearly got ran over by a car. It didn’t seem to like that. It was lost for like a week. What a trying couple of days that was. I grew a beard and my labia descended. You’ll never guess where I found it too, my refrigerator of all places. I went to pick up some garlic I’d left in the back and pulled out my familiar gooey friend. It pretty much looked the same as it always did but tasted kind of like baking soda and freezer burn when I swallowed it down again. I hope it isn’t upset at me for using it as a change purse. I mean it really liked when I gave it that IUD. It thought it was a pogo stick just for itself. Oh well, I guess it won’t be so bad growing an ironic mustache. I can just see it now hitching a ride to Mexico, fallopian tubes in the air and little red gunnysack attached to a tampon. I just hope it knows what it’s getting into, or vice versa for that matter.


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